Up until now all of my nudes have been female. I cannot deny that I find the female form a far more appealing subject that male bodies. However, in looking for figures to trace (as per my last post), I came across an image that was so lovely I really wanted to try and capture it in pastel.
Honestly, in looking at the image I felt it would be a great study in lots of mediums. I could do white pencil on black paper, a graphite sketch, even oil if I was feeling unusually brave.
As it is I chose pastel and started with a rough sketch. Then, as with my purple lady, I decided to ease myself in by doing the background first. I blended a couple of greys as I find I am really drawn to clouds at the moment. Having done that I was adding more light grey with the pastel using rough marks, intending to blend it in, when I noticed I really liked the effect it created. Almost granite like.
Up until this point I had been struggling to think of the colours to use on the figure. Nothing seemed quite right. Having created the marble effect though I thought that doing the figure in the same grey tones as the background, keeping the surface lovely and smooth would make for an interesting piece. As if the figure was emerging from the stone behind it.
As always I am holing off going further for fear of ruining it. I keep hearing David Goggins (of all people), in my head. He says that holding back trying for a fear of failure is a form of vanity. We are too afraid of ruining our image or the image we feel people have of us. As sobering as this thought is, he's not wrong. It is vanity that holds us back from things we may well fail. I look at this figure I mean to do. I see how intricate it is in places, I know my pastels won't hold the edge necessary. It will likely end up a bleary mess....so what?
So what if it does end up a bleary mess. I still get the experience from blending pastels and studying the human form. Whether it turns out well or not in irrelevant to a large extent. Even if it looks really good the most it can hope for is an Instagram post and a place on my art room wall.
I've always prided myself on being brave. I've done a lot of things in my life that took bravery, strong will and a willingness to deal with the consequences of failure. Objectively, my allowing myself to be held back from something as innate as a pastel painting for fear of failure is almost obscene. I need to change. I need to put all of this into perspective. I do this for the fun. I do it because it was something I always did. A part of me that was there from childhood. No one is judging me. No one is marking my work. I put nothing up for sale. These pieces do not need to pay my bills. I've achieved so much by being brave enough to just try. Why not this too?
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