Yesterday was my coursework day and I started with my second course on Acrylic painting. I don't know if it was the course or my general mood but it was a slog. Two hours worth of trying to get paint from the tube to the pallet, and then from the pallet to my brush, and THEN onto the block. This whole process was not helped by the fact that some of my acrylics are past there best and don't want to be mixed. I had clumps and lumps. Wasn't sure if adding a little water would help. Ugh. Not great.
I am pleased to note that I kept going and made it to the halfway point. My faith in my painting skills is diminished though.
To try and cheer myself up I dug out the one drawing pad I kept from my A-levels and flicked through it. I was amazed at the confidence I could see. The sketching with no fear. The lack of rubbing out. The mix of media. Now here is the interesting bit. I looked through this same sketchbook a few years back in one of my failed attempts at starting up again - and I was SO DISAPPOINTED at the quality of my work! I literally looked through it all and thought "I really wasn't very good"! Isn't that strange? Back when I wasn't doing any art I judged my old work as terrible, and now that I'm doing it almost daily I look at my old work and see the skill and potential. It really is surprising how much of an asshole you can be towards yourself. It also goes to show just how high a bar I kept setting myself should I have ever entertained the idea of starting art again. No wonder I was so scared to fail.
This little mental victory cheered me up and I spent the rest of my time using my coloured pens to do some of my Kopic Pens course. I don't really follow this course now. The teacher goes through some of the templates and you can colour along with him. I listen to him while I colour whichever template appealed to me and make little mental notes of any tips or tricks he offers. As I don't have Kopic pens or the good paper I can't really do what he does anyway. Nonetheless it is a good de-stresser, and I can play with colour and blending. I ended up going back to it and working on it all evening to get it finished.
Ironically, in the dimmed light of my bare bulb, my acrylic work didn't look so bad. Perhaps I'll have more luck with the second project when I get to it?
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