Despite my declaration that I would faithfully work on my anatomy book every week I have been dodging it. Once again it was a combination of just not feeling well enough and fear of messing it up. The first one is legitimate, the second one is ridiculous. Who exactly is going to be judging this work? What standard am I required to reach before I can move on to the next page? Who says it is not good enough that I did it? NOBODY.
I have been listening to a podcast called The Savvy Painter. While I cannot help but feel like an imposter listening to this actual artist talk about life as an actual artist, it none the less covers many of the thoughts and feelings I get daily about my art (even that sounds pretentious when I say it). She helps me stop this negative thought, or at least she reassures me that I am faaaaaaaaaaar from being alone in the kind of thoughts I have. Many true artists, people with far more talent who do it for an actual living, have days where they can't face it. Have days where they are afraid to fuck up. Have days where they can't justify the selfish time drain art is. When you realise that beginners up to masters have all these doubts, insecurities and debates, you find yourself feeling a little silly and over dramatic.
On occasion I have caught myself worrying that what I do that day won't be worthy of my website or Instagram. How ridiculous! Upon starting both I agreed with myself that I would not post anything that I didn't feel had merit. Why should I? Who in their right mind would post work they knew was sub-par? People of all arenas save their best stuff for public consumption. Why do I feel like it is being dishonest if I don't share the bad stuff? It really makes no sense. I do make myself sit back and look at what I have done thus far and appreciate that as an overall body of work it is perfectly fine for an amateur artist. Not to mention one who has gone for so long without actually doing art.
To that end I put on a YouTube video, sat myself at my desk and made a start on the most complicated series of drawings in the book. I aimed to complete one page (two sets of figures). This I did. It took me around an hour PER SET, but I did it. And they actually turned out quite well. One thing I kept telling myself was that once I had these last two technical sketches complete, everything thereafter was less technical and more enjoyable active figures. Whatever you have to tell yourself.
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