A new way of thinking about my art practise in a way that I personally can relate to.
The underlying theme running through all of my blogs, hell the reason for this website at all, is my inability to work consistently at my art. When I think about all the years I dragged all of my art materials around with me, constantly thinking "one day I will get back into it". Constantly thinking as soon as I had enough free time, enough free energy, a room I could work in without worrying about my children getting in the middle of things. Now here I am, with the time, the energy and a dedicated room and I am still struggling to be consistent. Why?!
I was debating this one day while out on my kayak. It occurred to me that the reason I was able to get on my kayak and do a five or six mile row by myself, was because I had taken the time to build up both my confidence and my rowing fitness. I didn't jump on my kayak that first day and disappear up the lough. I took my time and built slowly through regular practise. And that wasn't all! I took up kayaking after years of doing other sports and activities. All of which have contributed to my overall health and cardiovascular fitness. The act of paddling may have been new to my body, but my body knows how to work. It knows how to power itself and use energy effectively. Years of keeping myself active and changing the manner in which I do that, be it horse riding, running, hiking SUPing, weight training, etc. My muscles and heart know their job. On a good day I can head out for a hike in the mountains even if I haven't been out there in a year or more. That residual fitness is there.
Now think about art. The way I am approaching my art is totally different. I have not practised art regularly since I was a teenager. Almost 30 YEARS AGO! I have done the odd thing here and there over those 30 YEARS, but I have never done so consistently or regularly. NEVER. Now what if I had treated my body that way? I kept fit in school, did one or two bouts of exercise a year - maximum, and then I decided I wanted to get fit like I was in school and wondered why I couldn't just head out on a six mile hike, do a twenty mile cycle, horse ride for an hour, swim a mile.....see my point? That would be insane. I would recognise that too much time had passed. That while some muscle memory may exist if I had been really religious in my fitness back in the day, realistically I would need to start simply, as the unfit person I was now, and build up to doing the things I used to. I would need to work on it weekly, if not daily. I would need to read around the subject to keep myself interested. Watch programs about health and fitness to give me new ideas to keep things fresh.
So why on earth did I think I could hop back into art in fits and starts and expect progress? Here's the thing. Due to various things, I do not "workout" every day. I just try to be active most days. But I have been doing this for decades. DECADES! I've reached a point where I don't need to do a big workout every day. When I think of my art this way I realise I am treating my art like fitness. I am expecting myself to be able to pull out a big, impressive piece without doing all the little practise pieces along the way. And if I don't feel I can do that, I do nothing! This is the equivalent of wanting to get back into running. Doing a couple of short jogs and then planning a 10k race. Insane. Realising the 10k is too much for you you just go home. You decide to be a "real" runner you need to be doing a recognised distance. It must be a 5k, 10k, half marathon, etc. The very thought of running is now daunting. You aren't fit enough for those distances. Not even close, but your ego won't let you just do a slow 1 mile jog, after all, you are a "real" runner. So now you aren't running at all! You've killed the dream all by yourself.
Now what if you set your ego aside? What if you recognised that doing something is better than doing nothing? Perhaps you just go for a walk, or jog on the spot, or even just stretch. You do something EVERY day and start to find good days where you may jog two miles, perhaps even get in a sprint. Weeks or months pass and suddenly that 5k is a realistic distance for you on a regular run. Slowly clocking up distance puts that 10k firmly in your path. You still have tired or sore days. And on those days you set aside that ego and just walk or stretch. A tiny something that keeps you moving forward. There may come a time when you realise you have a distance or speed limit. And that's ok. Not everyone can be Mo Farah. But even when that day comes, look back and see all the things you did do and how far you came because you kept going and left the ego at the door. You finally realise "real" runners run. No matter the distance, no matter the speed, if you run regularly you are a "real" runner.
If I then change this mindset to my art it works like this:
Do a little art every day. Be it literal pen to paper, reading an art book, watching art demos, working on an actual piece or just doodling things from your mind.
Stop expecting everything you do to be good or even significant. Just like the days you only do a short walk, your doodling day may well not progress your skill any, but it will stop it from regressing. Sometimes we need to tread water to catch our breath, but you're still moving your arms and legs. It's a pause, not a stop.
Understand that you are feeling your way. You may know where you want your art to go and you may not. Much like cross training, it is ok to change things up and do something totally different even if it is not where you see your art going and won't help you get there. It will, at the very least, encourage your creativity and keep the habit going.
Your artistic skill or craft, is like your muscles. Anything you do to fire them up on a regular basis will help get them and keep them fit and strong. Every day you do nothing you will lose ground. No matter how small the win is, it is still a win.
In the age old saying - this is a marathon, not a sprint. Recognise that it is a long road ahead of you, there is no end point. Every single step you take is progress, so take one every day.
Sticking to this I will grow my artistic fitness. I'll gain more faith in my abilities and get braver in the goals I set for myself. With the right fitness in place I can choose to do something small and fun or take on a big piece that I mean to hang on the wall, but like the 10k run, it's going to take some humility, patience and honest expectations.
I acknowledge this has been a long post, but I really needed to get this out of my head. I need to find the art equivalent of that short walk or stretching routine and have them ready for the bad days. I need to be ok with the fact I may try and run before I can walk and that it may not work out. It does not diminish my latent talent or in any way belittle the works I have done that I am proud of. I need to look at my best piece and recognise it as me at my best, know that I am capable of that, but that I can't expect it every time. Aim for it but forgive myself if I miss. My talent and ability didn't just vanish if I fail. It's there, but it needs nurtured not forced. Just like my body.
Comments